Saturday, March 8, 2014

Saturday Rest

With Be, we're taking a collective Sabbath on Saturdays.  More than the fasting element, this piece scared the crap out of me.  I remember when my father got on his "Sundays are sacred and family-time because it's Biblical to have a Sabbath" kick.  It was awful and there wasn't any kind of grace, or rest, just a lot of forced spiritual practices and trying to appease him.  I'm sure there's more work for me to do on that in therapy.

I was apprehensive going into today.  What would it look like to take a Sabbath? I can handle the no collective group activity and figured if nothing else I could respect the intent that way. Today has been so much more than that.  I had an hour to cuddle and connect with my hunny first thing this morning.  All the things that I needed to accomplish got done and I took myself back to bed, exhausted and slept for 5 hours.  There was no belittling myself for needing the extra rest.  I don't even see it as I wasted the day, which is my usual response.  It feels like the shame and condemnation I'd usually hold against myself as a matter of course is gently, firmly being held back today.  I can breathe; I'm clenching my teeth a little less.

If this is what Sabbath can be - a day of respite and rest - I'm excited to continue to explore it.  I'm sure it won't always be like it was today.  That's okay.  I'm grateful that it was a good experience to start off with, and that because it happened on a Saturday, the triggers from the past weren't there they way they could have been had it been on Sunday.

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