Tuesday, April 29, 2014

Embracing the Good

Every good story opens with a character who will go through some sort of metamorphosis. There is a change that happens, a tipping point of crisis. Whether it's all resolved and wrapped up in a neat little bow at the end or not, there is movement from that point of crisis towards change.

I'm coming up to the anniversary of my tipping point, affectionately called my Freedom Day. It wasn't the only tipping point, but it was a major one. As I look this week at what are the pieces that have shaped me, much of it comes after this day. Yes there was much shaping done before. Well it was less shaping more shattering, and for a long time defining of who I was, my worth and my place in this world.

Since my Freedom Day, there's been a new defining of who I am, my worth and my place in this world. I forgot and was caught up in all the work of continuing to heal and become. I forgot to look back and celebrate how far I have already come. There are so many pieces that I have now that are good. I have a husband who loves all of me. We are learning together what it means to play and have fun. Nature allows room for my soul to breathe. There are books and blogs that speak truth and hope that I can hear. My camera helps me to focus in and see the Divine in the world around me. My paint and paper, cut out words and glue, allow me to explore this world of found poetry and art journalling. The words of Scripture are being rescued from the legalism of the past through black-out poetry. Music is now good or meh based on it's own merit, not because it's Christian or secular.

I have a space that is mine, where there is room for my creativity. I'm building healthy friendships with other women, learning to give and take, to share and live with an open heart. In 2012 I learned that I could choose. In 2013 I learned how to hush, to allow myself to be comforted and to listen to other voices than my pain. Now this year, this year I am becoming. Maybe one year my word will be thrive.

The most beautiful thing in this moment is that I'm sitting outside, music playing, basking in the sun, writing words that have hope in them. Yes there is wrestling and raw.  There is more to come. Stopping to acknowledge the goodness, the pieces that I have that are holiness surrounding my brokenness is something that I don't do often enough. Maybe it needs to become a weekly pause to stop and write all the good from that week. I'm learning to embrace the good in my story as it unfolds around me.

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