This seems to be what I can do today. I can breathe. A couple conversations over the course of my day have brought some cracks in my walls. I risked being seen and was welcomed with love. I am grateful. Grateful to have women in my life who see me and love me. It's still so new and I'm continuing to learn how to open up these deep places in myself to others.
Letting go of the judging mind feels like letting go of knowing what could hurt us, surrendering our most potent weapon for survival. If we stop judging ourselves and everyone else so rigorously, how will we know what is true? How will we protect ourselves from harm? (p64 - Legacy of the Heart, Wayne Muller)I've been re-reading Muller's chapter on Judgement and Mercy this afternoon and finding hope. I'm hearing my own voice and seeing the damage that judgement has caused me over and over. I'm hearing my own fears of letting it go. It has been so important to me for so very long. I'm brought back to Steps 6 and 7. Once again I'm being asked to be entirely ready to allow my Higher Power to remove this from my life and then humbly asking for it to be removed.
Cultivating nonharming toward ourselves is a tremendous step toward allowing healing love into our broken hearts - especially for those of us who, feeling the sting of physical or emotional pain as children, have internalized much of that judgement and violence in our souls. We are so in need of mercy and care, and so clumsy in allowing it to be born in our own lives. (p69 - Legacy of the Heart, Wayne Muller)I have a place to start. A place that begins with allowing myself the space to simply breathe in and breathe out. In this way I can release my judgement and welcome mercy with every single breath that I take.